Can Someone Tell Me My Future, Please?

I had a pretty intense conversation with Ridge today and I thought I’d share it with you all.  Being that I’m 17 and he’s about to be 19, neither of us can drink.  I choose not to because of my drunk father, but Ridge would much rather me be OK with it.  Unfortunatelly I’m not, and that’s that for now.  But we’ve been talking and I’ve been thinking and I’ve decided that I am my own person and can drink when I’m old enough and not become a drunk like my dad.  I made Ridge a deal that when he turns 21 he can drink if he does it smart and safe, and once he buys his own place then he can have friends over to drink.  He’s not allowed to pressure me to drink and he’s not allowed to get totally smashed without letting me know how he’ll get home safely.  Personally, I think that’s fare.  Just because I plan to have a few drinks when I’m older doesn’t mean I need to be pushed into it now.  I don’t want to mess with my chances of getting a job and graduating college.

Another thing that came up was this dream I’ve had for when I’m older.  I’ve always wanted to host a house-warming party and have it retro themed.  I want to dress up in a silly dress that’s way too fancy, wear one of those little aprons, tons of makeup and have my hair curled in a bob.  I want everyone to come in formal attire and I’ll serve little snacks and really fancy drinks like martinis and whatnot.  I want to have retro games and music playing and all the men can sit around and chat while the women see my nice new kitchen.  It would be like a scene from an old movie.  That’s my plan for when I move in to my own place.  Obviously people will bring gifts and it will have some actual “house-warming” things going on, but it will really just be a great way to be social and get to know some great people.

Speaking of being social, that brings up the other point I brought up with Ridge.  I told him that even though I’m so against drinking now, I plan on doing a little bit so that I can have a better life than my Mom.  I’m really working hard to start making this dream life that I have become real.  I’m going to school to become a vet tech, applying for jobs and making Ridge do the same, starting a savings account and trying to improve my people skills.  My Mom hasn’t gotten to spend any time with friends for over 5 years.  Sure, she’ll see a movie once in a blue moon with the neighbor, but other than that it’s work, sleep, take care of the giant baby (aka my father).  Ever since he stopped working, she’s had to take on the responsibility of the entire house.  I try to do my part by not spending too much money, cleaning up so she doesn’t have to and staying out of her hair, but I just don’t want to live this kind of life forever.  I want to have a husband with a good job, I want a job that I enjoy going to, I don’t want to have to work 10 times harder to just to get by and I definitely don’t want to spend my free time doing nothing.  I want to go out and have a nice dinner with friends, see some movies and plays, go to a club and dance the night away.  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to party my life away and put myself in debt.  I plan on working and I know damn well that my husband will have (and keep) a steady, well paying job.  He’ll help me around the house, won’t spend money on useless things and won’t spend every other night getting drunk and high.  I refuse to live like this once I move out.  My life WILL be different.

I used to want to be in my Mom’s life forever.  Lately that thought has been changing.  I don’t think I could handle being around my Mom when I’m older if it means my father will be tagging along all the time.  I’ve been begging her to leave him and I hope someday she will, but for now I’m not getting my hopes up.  He’s not even in her bed more than 3 times a week.  He’s either passed out on the couch or he’s at a friend’s house spending what little money we have on booze.  I think I decided to make my life different when I was 9.  I used to complain that I never had a real childhood, but now I don’t care because I want to start being better now.  I don’t plan on being well off in life.  I know I will be.

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